Sunday, May 27, 2007

Broadening the Definition of Pornography

The infamous Bachelor has come and gone. Bevin went out and Tessa moved in. For those of you watch the bachelor you might have noticed it has somewhat of an addictive lure to it. One that is enticing NOT because of the hot and steamy sex scenes but the unobtainable romance that you see week after week. Is pornography limited to only unrealistic, inappropriate sex? I don't think so. If you look at pornography, ultimately it steals the hearts of "men" away from their wives and families and gives them an unrealistic impression of what sex is, should be and ultimately could be...but they are not getting it in THEIR house. Sexual pornography doesn't show you the times when it's not "blow-out orgasmic sex", when it's just mundane or quick or simply at matter of function to create. Isn't Hollywood romance somewhat like that? We are shown the highlights of a relationship without being shown the lulls, the arguments, the communication glitches, the time when the guy actually DOES forget to call, etc. It has the ability to pull your heart away from your husband, and places an unrealistic expectation within a relationship of what is should be, and ultimately could be. The camera's role 24 hours a day for a week and we see what they want us to see, to create this fairytale fantasy. I am not sure that pornography is limited to only sexual...I believe "pornography" is anything that distorts your perception of reality and pulls your heart away from whom it is committed to.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Just Believe

When was the last time where you really believed in someone? Not just believed in their day-to-day ongoings, where it's easy to believe and your neck is far from being out on the line but really taking a chance at believing in the underdog even if it was at the expense of your dreams, your hopes, your trust, your faith...your neck? Don't you find that it's easy to believe in those who give you reason to believe, that actually also believe in themselves? Is that really belief or merely observing the observable trait in someone who has figured out the world enough to have a bundle of successes under their belt. What about those who don't give you many reasons at all; that don't have the odds of success in their favor and you go through disappointment after disappointment with the occasional success, yet you notice this small spark that may grow into a blaze if it's given just the right amount of stoking? Where is your neck then? Is it on the line or safely tucked away until the ratio of gains to losses improves? When was the last time you really believed in someone and carried their belief when they had very little...because that is the belief I want to have in my own life to show towards another. To answer my own questions? It's been far too long.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Are you my mother?

Mother's day. A day where women are celebrated, in particular those who have born or adopted children. Traditionally this has been the case, but this year, a few around me...including myself were celebrated. Not celebrated because I have children, in fact, according to my husband I am approximately 15 months away from even thinking about children. But as my thoughtful husband put it I am "a mother-to-be, a mother to him in certain ways and a mother to our dogs." My best-friend's husband dedicated an entire blog to her because of her mothering qualities and her potential to be a mother. But is a mother limited to the role of bearing or raising her own children? What about those women who never had the chance to marry but mother the children in the ward, their siblings children, the children in the neighborhood? What about the women that are unable to bear children and choose not to adopt but mother rear a wonderful home, actively love their husband or not have a husband and care for the animals? I would like to broaden the definition of what traits and attributes make up a mother and say thank you to the many mother's in my life that have helped raise and shape me into the person I am.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Living a Celestial Marriage In Everyday Life?

Today Jake gave a great lesson in the Gospel Essentials class on the restoration of the gospel. He shared how he has been converted not just one time but approximately 7 times. This caused me to think about my marriage and how I have been converted the first time by actually getting married and now that I am married, I have converted a few times or rather, recommitted, to my marriage and being a better wife. Jake made the point that as faithful members of the Gospel we should continually seek to be reconverted always and I say as faithful members of marriage, we too should continually seek to be reconverted.

A while back, my sister talked to me about a presentation she attended that talked about marriage in relation to the kingdoms. For example, those living a telestial marriage are looking at it and wondering, "What's in it for me? And if YOU are not making me happy, then I am outta here." A Terestial marriage looks a little more selfless where you are willing to look at your partner's needs before your own, AS LONG AS, they are doing the same. More of a "I will love you as long you love me back, I will give to you as long as you give back to me." Lastly, A Celestial Marriage is absolute Selflessness, it's, "I will love you...Period." Up until today, i thought for the most part I lived a Terestial marriage, but humility has shown me that I will dabble with Terestial for a couple weeks at a time until I become very self-aware, get angry and move to a Telestial state and say repeatedly, "What's in it for me? YOU are not loving me infact, what are you doing for me at all?"

My honest reaction to my realization? I'm not sure if I could let go and trust myself or Jake enough to live day-to-day in Terrestial marriage, let alone truely let go enough to live a Celestial marriage. It's frightening and fear based for me. I fear the unknown and wonder if my partner would just soak up my love and not give back at all. History has proven this to not be true, but these thoughts are the very thoughts that keep me stuck in my current perspective state with my marriage.

In Jake's lesson he talked about how the same scripture that Joseph came across that dropped him to his knees (If ANY of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God) applies to everyone regarding anything where you are indeed lacking wisdom. He made a great point about those moments in life where we simply say, "I don't know" and using those as our guide posts and indicators to invite the Lord in and ask for his wisdom. That scripture promises that God will give liberally. And so I will start with one area of my many where I lack wisdom, faith and courage. So I am going to take Jake up on his challenge, to find something and go through the wisdom seeking process:

1. Serious Reflection
2. More Reflection
3. Ask of God
4. Pray Vocally
5. In Solitude
6. Receive your Answer

I have been reading some wonderful talks today about how to increase your faith in marriage, increase humility, live celestially. Ultimately, I would like to write my own thoughts on this topic but I am just in the beginning of my quest. In the meantime and if you are interested, let me point you to the following talks.

You can find these on and simply enter the titles in the SEARCH bar on the homepage:

Is there trust in your marriage? -- Christie Frandsen
The pitfalls of a paralell marriage -- Charles Beckertt