Mommy Dearest

Oh for the last 2 months or so there have been feelings, impressions, call it what you will...but thoughts in my heart about becoming a mom. I say they are feelings in my heart because my mind kicks into over drive countering any idea of the mother notion. Fact: I'm not baby hungry. Fact: I have selfish motives for not having children right now. Fact: I'm scared I won't be able to get pregnant. Fact: I don't want to give up my independence. Truth: There is something bigger than me and all my facts pushing me in a direction I'm not ready for nor do I feel like I will ever be ready for. Two dogs are hard enough, take a lot of work, and are expensive. I have always liked to idea of kids because they haven't ever been so close to a reality. Now that I am at a point in my life where I could actually have, care for and provide for a child...the idea isn't so swell. My friend brought over a book called, "I am a Mother." I am trying to get through it, but it's very hard for me because I am just not ready to go there yet. There is a part of me that knows once you go there, there is no going back and that's just scary. I'm a youngest, I didn't have any younger siblings, younger cousins...I don't know how to be a mom or care for babies. I don't even know how to hold them upright when their necks are still wobbly. I haven't changed a diaper in literally a decade...at least. I had a great mother growing up and have a great mother now. My sister is a great mother, I love her kids. I love her kids because they are not my kids. I think when I was little I thought you'd arrive when you were an adult and life would just become simple because you knew it all and well, you were an adult so you had feelings and outlook like an adult. So I guess I ask, where is the adult in me? Where is the mother in me? Where do I fit in this whole thing right now in my life?

Cause and Effect

As I have been researching the Privatization of Water by major US corporations in other countries, it "caused" me to think about our actions and their results, which led to the "effect" of writing this blog. How often do we, as Americans, stop to think about the effect of our actions? When was the last time you took your trash out and thought,"now where does all this trash go?", or how 'bout turning on your light switch thinking, "Wow, this is incredible that this electricity is brought all the way to my house from a little (or big) electrical plant"? I guess my point is I think as American's we often tend to be entitled little children that think very little about how our actions will impact both the immediate and long term picture. Case and point, look at insurance...it covers the effect, but will not pay to prevent the cause. We just deal with the aftermath. Europe, Canada and other progressively green countries have had recycling and other green initiatives for a long time now where in America we are now reacting to where we have driven our planet to. Sometimes the attitude of our country, which I love and appreciate, drives me nuts.