Monday, July 16, 2007
Divorce Sucks
My title pretty much says it all and like my brother said tonight, "Divorce is the gift that just keeps on giving." You know, sometimes I wonder if death would be easier than divorce because you can deal with the pain, heal and move on. With divorce, you may as well have a knife stabbed in your heart and have it slowly turning rotisserie style or a gaping wound with a slow drip of salt solution going until the day you die. For those out there who think kids are resilient and will get over it is unrealistic. Kids may learn how to get better at dealing with it and get used to the situation, the emotions may be stronger at times and dormant other times, but to assume or expect that it goes away is highly unlikely. My parents divorced approximately 10 years ago and it still rears it's head in my life. Though their divorce wasn't ugly or mean, which was a giant blessing, the crumble of your family is simply not an easy thing no matter how it is sliced. I have learned a lot and continue to learn a lot. I have new perspective on marriage and not hoping it will work out but actively putting effort to make it work, implementing good practices of communication and having those crucial conversations. But plain and simple: Divorce sucks...it just sucks.--@DP
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7 comments:
I completely agree. Sometimes I am worried that I will be doomed to divorce since I have no idea what it is like to be in a two parent household. But I liked what you said about actively putting in effort to make it work. I think I will try to adopt that philosophy when I get married.
As someone who has only lived through divorce through their best friend and someone who is still a newlywed, I really admire those who have been through it first hand and I certainly don't take my wonderful marriage for grantide. It's great to have someone to go through it all with.
I don't think there's a better word than 'sucks'. It feels a bit like your whole life has been sucked up into a giant black hole...
My husband's parents divorced when he was 3 yrs old. At the age of 29, it still severely effects him. It probably effects him more so now then when he was a child. It does suck - it really does....
It sucks BAD, Kris! Breaks my heart. It ruins so much. You guys are all so strong.
Geez I totally forgot about this little side blog of yours and haven't checked it out. I need to make time to read through all these posts because I love your writings. Anyway I liked this post because it's been on my mind lately since I watched an oprah last week on divorce and it was the sadest thing I've ever seen. I don't think kids ever get over it either, I haven't gone through it but always try to talk to Zack about his experiences and it just seems awful. I'm sorry for everyone that has had to deal with it.
I have had this conversation with my husband. When he was 13, his dad died of brain cancer. When I was 13, my parents divorced. He told me hands down he would for sure rather the death of a parnet over a divorce. And while I would miss the hell out of either of my parents, I would prefer it too. Divorce rates are staggering. In my own family, 75% of marraiges have ended in divorce: My dad married twice, divorced once. My brother married twice, divorced twice. My sister married and divorced once. ME. Married. And doing everything I can to stay that way. Lucky for me I got a loyal husband who refuses to let any relationship go to shambles. It definitely helps when both of us are blatently working our butts off to make it work. (But its not too hard.)
Divorce is yucky. Out of all the things that are on my bucket list, divorce is not one of them!
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